Emotional Control...Don't Blow It During Conflict.

It's a dis hey hey, Hey, hey. Man. Oh, we get to talk about fighting. Were getting to talk about fighting. Some of y'all in a fight right now. Y'all just got through fighting. You went to sleep, man because. You was fighting. Hey Man. The objective of this episode, Man, is to help the family understanding emotional control. Doing conflict is not about suppressing anger or avoiding hard conversations. It is about managing anger, preventing escalation, and choosing restraints so that conflict does not destroy self respect, relationships, or long term outcomes. Let's work, Hey, New day, New Day. Talk to them dirt game, It's. Shut new. Talk to them, dirt game, New day, New Day. It's new. Man, New day, New Day. Talk to them dirty It's new Talk to him, dirt game. Man, New Day, New Day. It's a new. Ay. Man, Save Man, Man. Salute to the family, Man. Thanky'll so much for taking the time to tune in. Official. This is an official welcome for the first time to some. Welcome back to most to the Black Coffee Club. The most intentional morning suckle on the planet. If you conquer your mornings, you conquer your day. If you seize your mornings, you seize your day. Salute to the family. Thank you'll so much for taking the time to tune in, and I really truly genuinely appreciate it. This is the Black Coffee Club hosted by yours truly, Junior the Truth. I'm indeed your host. Man. You can follow me everywhere via social media. I could be found with the handle Junior the Truth, j U N I O R t H E t r U t H. And that's over all the social media platforms. Man, each and every one. You feel me, each in every one. Thank you so much, man, Thank you so much, Thank you so much, Thank you so much. Man. But if you're really truly looking for me, Like if you really truly looking for me, the boy said somebody said that you was looking for me, here I go. You can come over to the hub www Dot Junior Truth dot com. That's all things Junior Truth man. Everything you need with regard to me and getting a further into the ecosystem. Man, you can pull up on me www Dot Jortruth dot com. That's www Dot Jortruth dot com. Man. Salute to the family, Thank y'all so much, really truly genuinely appreciate y'all. Once again one time for the most intentional morning stuckle on the planet. Man, Noah, I. Had this long, drawn out soliloquy that I wanted to go through, man, talking about today and season to day. But we'll do that another day. You feel me because I want to get to it like a lighter fluid, because I know I ain't got it long, so I gotta be strong top of the day too. You grab your coffee, grab your morning beverage. Man, mine is a coffee. Of course, today we need to have a conversation about conflict because everybody talks about communication. Have you noticed that everybody talks about communication when things are calm? Everybody talk about you know, everybody talks about respect when everybody agrees, Like everybody talks about emotional intelligence excuse me being emotional, emotionally intelligent or emotional intelligence when nobody is pushing their buttons nobody, but conflict like conflict. When we talk. About conflict, no, no, no, no, Our conflict tells the truth. And I'm I got a guilty confession. Let me put my let me put my let me put my face on the screen. When I give you this this, I got a guilty confession. My guilty confession is out of all my trainings and and and uh, all of the you know, concepts that I train on and information that I present and so on and so forth. My favorite areas to be a practitioner in conflict resolution is actually one of them. It's actually my favorite. It's actually one of my favorite. It's in my I'll say it's in my top three. Conflict resolution is one of my favorite things as a practitioner. Man. Yeah, as a self mastery provocateur, man, as a as a modern day Stoic philosopher, as a as a out of a practitioner in stoicism, you feel me as a practitioner in modern manhood, You feel me. It's just manhood. Conflict is one of my favorite areas. Man, it's crazy as hell. Yeah, So everybody talks about emotional intelligence when nobody is pushing their buttons right, but conflict. Conflict tells the truth. Conflict reveals whether your standards still will apply when you're angry? You feel me? Do your standards still apply when you mad? You feel me? Do your standards still apply when you mad? And you wanna ah good? Yeah, you wanna ah good. Salute to the dirt. Game boss man dropping the. In the chat man salute to your family, thank you so much, really, truly, genuinely appreciate you. If I had a million tons, I couldn't tell it all Man Salute the four our sniper man dropping. Them dies, and. In the chat man salute to you, Thank you so much, Man for blessing the blessing the content. Man blessing the live streams. Salute to the family. Yeah, do your standard still apply when you angry? Or do that? Or I was mad, so it don't count. I was I was mad, striving glow with Joe, what's up with you? I was out a man, I was mad. Conflict tells the truth. It'll tell man once again, do your standards still aply when you're angry? It'll tell whether your discipline still exists when you feel disrespected, whether your self control survives when somebody says exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time you feel me I got an early verdict. My verdict for the day, man is. Conflict does not reveal whether you have emotions. It reveals whether your emotions have control over you or not. Yeah, conflict does not reveal whether you have emotions. You have emotions you welcome. You feel me. You don't even have to Can you hear me? If you can hear me, you have emotions You're welcome. Conflict does not reveal that. Conflict reveals whether your emotions have traw over you or not. You understand what I'm saying, y'ah. Are your emotions in control? Do they have the wheel? Because anger is not automatically the problem. Anger is not automatically the problem. Anger is real. Sometimes anger is appropriate. Did I say that anger is appropriate? I know y'all think that I'm that sound crazy based on some of the things that I said. Anger is appropriate? What are you talking about? Nah? Some shit is going to in some instances, some shit just makes anger appropriate. Sometimes anger is appropriate. Sometimes something is unfair. Sometimes you ain't tripping. Every now and again you've been disrespected. You feel me like a motherbucker din disrespected you. It ain't no what I think what I thought? Am I tripping? Nah? You ain't tripping. You've been dish respected. Sometimes every now and again, somebody has crossed the line. They've gone too far. You feel me. Sometimes you're hurt like sometimes and a lot of y'all. If you anything like me, like I'm sensitive, So my feelings get hurt, and my feelings get hurt easily. I ain't even finish in here and hold you. I'm very thoughtful, I'm very intentional. My feelings get hurt. Salute Jelly being, I see you for a snipe. What's up with your homie? Salute the big das kunking doll, I'll be seu family in a building. Salute the dirt dirt game boss, my father, dirt game boss in a building? What's going on? Big days? Cunking doll? First in the chat, you know, that's where he hass. Salute to you, Tiffy two in up building. What's happening in Salute the Tiffy two? Nah? Sometimes somebody didn't cross the line. Man. Sometimes your feelings get hurt, right, sometimes you're disappointed. But anger is a signal. It is not a will you feel me. It is not a chauffeur. Anger is not your is not an uber driver. Cuse? Anger is not an uber driver? Cuse? Yeah? The question really truly is not uh am I angry? The question is what does anger get permission to make me do? Because you gotta give. Do you realize that in order to enter into an action based on your anger. You have to give anger permission you feel me. I know that sounds crazy and twisted, but you gotta really think about it and dissected. You gotta give anger permission to operating your life. You know, when fuck think about it, motherfucker that has lost their mind, just start tearing up shit, picking up ship, throw it. You have to give anger permission to operating your life. So the question is not am I angry? The question is what does anger get permission to make me do? And that's where self mastery enters into the conversation. I should I should do some harps? I should do a do? I got some harps? I don't got no harps. Nowhere you feel me, But that is where self mastery enters into the conversation. When you say, oh man, here we go, there we go, That's where self mastery enters into the conversation. So am I angry? That's not the question. The question is not where I'm angry? What does anger get permission to make me do? And that's where self mastery enters into the conversation. You see what I just did. You can be angry without becoming destructive. That's a news flash. Did y'all get that? Did y'all get that? Y'all might want to write that down. You can, you can, you can. You can be angry without becoming destructive. Yeah, that's my get mad baby, but don't be destructive. You can become angry without being destructive, you feel me. Yeah, you can be disappointed without becoming disrespectful. Did you know that? You can literally become You can literally be disappointing disappointed without becoming disrespectful. Yeah. You can set a boundary without becoming hostile. Yeah, listen, watch this. Shout out to the black coffee cup and shout out to mine. I think this might be my new favorite coffee cup. You feel me. You can disagree without surrendering your standards. Once again, write this down, do whatever you need to file it. You can disagree without surrendering your standards. Let's work. So I've hustled harder than the moment. I'm a fist on these streets, gat of revolver. I talk for these niggas trying to take me off the block where I pointed up Daily sit Bailey's out the bottle of. Smoke man, saluting my sister, thriving glow with Joe dropping some more jueiles in this situation. Hey man, that sounds better. That's better. Salute the thriving glow with Joe for dropping some jewels in the chat. Salute to your sis, I really truly, genuinely appreciate you. Man, I am stupid, all right, man, y'all ready to get to work. Let's get to work. Man, Let's start with anger. Anger usually begins with your mouth. Huh. Anger usually begins with your mouth. It begins with your body. Your jaws get tight, your face gets hot, your shoulders rise, your heart beat speeds up, your breathing changes, you start interrupting, You feel that urge to prove your point. And that's the moment. Like, that's the warning because once you recognize that your body is escalating, you have an opportunity to lead yourself before the emotion becomes behavior. What I'm talking about is how to manage your anger. You got to catch that shit before it catches you. Pay attention to your body. Yeah, pay attention to your body. You have the opportunity to lead yourself before the emotion becomes a behavior. Here's something I want you to remember. I need you to remember that the moment you feel the heat rise is not the moment to speak faster. It's the moment to slow down. When you start feeling that heat rise, that's the moment that you need to slow down. It's not the time to speak faster. I know that's hard because anger creates a sense of urgency in us, right Anger creates a sense of urgency. It makes you believe I need to say this right now. I need to correct this right now. You feel me, I need them to understand me right now. Out what I've learned, man, in my years of living, in my years of conflict, because I feel like at times that's what my life is, being one big, long gass conflict. You feel me. Usually when I do conflict resolution, I start with the pure definition of conflict. Do y'all know the definition of conflict? In the Chat Family replay game, you can put it in there. You can put it in a comment section. Podcast Family, put it in the comment section. Y'all be sure to hit the liking ship while y'all down there. What is the definition of conflict? What is your definition of conflict? I don't want to slow the show down because I really I'm trying to move at a at a brisk pace. But I need to be sure that we oper that we're preaching from the same gospel. What is the definition of conflict? Do you have a definition of conflict? Nobody want nobody typing in the chat because nobody wants to be wrong. She's not gonna be wrong. What's your definition of conflict? This is why I normally stop, take a sip of my coffee out of my my wonderful black coffee cup club mug. It's wonderful. Nobody's checking, nobody's talking, nobody's typing. All of y'all feel put on the spot. Even a replay game, y'all not typing because you feel put on the spot. Y'all scared? You scare? Stop acting like you scared, Big Dad says, an unnecessary argument. Thriving Glow with Joe says conflict means a serious disagreement, fight, or clash between people, groups, or opposing forces whose needs, ideas, or goals do not match. It can be a physical fight, a war argument. Shout out to Google, Joe, I bet you. I bet your resource for ass. When it looked up that definition, it was too perfectly scripted with no misprints. Mistypes or nothing, your ass winning copied and pasted on me. Conflict, remember, go back to elementary score for us. I think it was seventh grade. It's the struggle between two opposing forces. Days. I disagree with you only because some conflicts are necessary. So you said it's an unnecessary argument. Some conflicts are very much indeed necessary. It is a struggle between two opposing forces. That's it. It's all conflict is It's a struggle between two posing forces. Tarvin Glow with Joe gave me the number one. I thought you gave me the middle finger. I was about to laugh my ass off. Yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The struggle between two opposing opposing forces. That's it. So now we got that, all right. So the need to feel, the need that you feel to be or the feeling that you have of the need to be heard, or you need them to understand, or so on and so for forth, right now, in this moment, maybe not. Sometimes the most dangerous sentence you'll. Ever speak is the one that you believe needed to be said immediately you feel me. Have you ever said something out your mouth in a moment of anger and realize you need to take that back? Dirt game Boss said that shit means since we can't get along, let's get it on. Yeah, you gotta be some of the most dangerous, one of the most sometimes the most dangerous. The sentence you ever speak is the one you believed had to be said immediately. And here's another distinction. Anger is real, but anger is not always accurate. You feel me. Anger is real, but anger is not always accurate. Have you ever been mad at they realized you was mad for no reason at all, Like that shit was just stupid. You can feel disrespected and still be wrong about someone's intention. You feel me. Because a lot of times for me, and I'm big on I'm big on respect, right, So I'll had these situations where I feel disrespected like a motherfucker, and that causes me to be on ten because everything I do in my life, I feel like I try to lead with respect, right, and so I feel disrespected and I'm on teen when I feel disrespected and my anger is my anger because my anger is attached to disrespect. But the fact that the matter does not change that the person's intention was not to be disrespectful toward You feel me, And that's you know, that's that's that's romantic relationships. One on one, you feel me. That woman can do something that you feel totally disrespected by and it wasn't her intention to be disrespectful. A lot of that shit is a misunderstanding. You can feel rejected and still misunderstand what actually happened. You understand what I'm saying. You can feel threatened when the person was actually just offering criticism. And that's why we don't confuse intensity with clarity. You have intensity and then you have clarity, and they're not the same. Strong emotion does not automatically mean that your interpretation was correct. You feel me. Having a strong ass. Emotion doesn't automatically equate to your interpretation of a situation being correct. So you got to ask yourself, what is this? What is this anger trying to protect? You feel me? Because like I told you, anger is a secondary emotion. If you think about the if you break a bone, what happens you feel me? They're swelling. What's the swelling there to do? The swelling is to protect, it's protecting something, So there's something So the swelling is the actual anger, but there's something wrong, There's something at the root of that anger. What is anger, trying to protect, is it hurt? Is an embarrassment, fear, disappointment, insecurity, powerlessness. That's a hell of a word, powerlessness. Sometimes anger is simply the armor around another emotion that we don't want to admit that we're feeling. You feel me. You don't want to admit that you're feeling embarrassed, so you get mad. You don't want to admit that your feelings are hurt, so you get mad. You don't want to admit that you feel insecure, so you get mad. Yeah, anger is a secondary emotion, and once you understand that, you stop fighting everybody else long enough to understand yourself period. I think that might have been a bar. When you understand that anger is a secondary emotion, then you put yourself in a position to stop fighting everybody else long enough to understand your dog as self. Because that's what you gotta do, Like you really gotta and all these things, you gotta really truly understand yourself because what's at the core of what we do. Self mastery is at the core of what we do. Set the core what we do. The whole reason I come in here in the morning and present to you all in the morning is to get you to look at yourself. First. We gotta start with us before we can start the day. Let's start with us. Let's keep it rolling, man, because I'm about to be over again. Yeah. We gotta avoid this escalation, man, Stop donating your control to chaos. You feel me. Let's talk about escalation. Let's talk about escalation. This is where disagreements turned into destruction. You feel me. That's just flat out. This is where the disagreements turn into destruction. The original issue will disappear like a motherfucker, you feel me. The original minuscule, little small issue will disappear, and now you're fighting a whole different fight. Now you're yelling, you're interrupting each other, you dragging up shit from a year ago. You make your accusations. You're trying to win, right, You're trying to hurt. You're trying and I hurt the other person. You're trying to dominate. And that's the shift. Escalation begins when resolution stops being the goal and domination becomes the goal. See for me, and this is my forty eight years you feel me, And this is all the game in the world that I got to give you. With regard to conflict because, like I said, there is sometimes conflict is absolutely necessary, right, But the whole purpose of entering into conflict is to reach a resolution. I don't do. I don't. I'm very selective with the conflicts that I enter into now because I'm all about keeping my peace right and so for me, entering into a conflict means I'm trying to reach a resolution. That's the whole purpose. If I've determined and predetermined that this conflict is not going to reach a resolution, then I'm not gonna waste my time. I don't need to be heard. I don't need to feel dominant, I don't need to fight like. I don't need to make sure my shit is still quick. I don't need any of that because the purpose of conflict is to reach a resolution. So a conflict escalates when resolution stops being the goal and domination becomes the goal. So we're not trying to reach a resolution no more. I'm trying to dominate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah. Now you're trying to dominate. Yeah, you're trying to intimidate. Domination becomes to go and that's when the shit gets escalated, and that's when conflict becomes dangerous Joe said, Oh yes, she said that was big Joe in her twenties. I was gonna hurt you with my words if you pissed me off. You feel me? Yeah, yeah, at the core, you know, for me when I've been in those spaces in my life, at the core, because that was big call. Oddly enough, that's what people call me. They call me big. They called me big cow. Oh, I know what they call you. They call you a big cow. They call me big Cal. Right, that's big Cal, Like like, yeah, I'll hurt you with my words and then physically if it come down to it, because I ain't never really gave a fuck about it getting out of hand, it's shit. What that lady what vera say? We can all be some fighting motherfuckers in here this evening. Like that's me and it's still me. If I'm gonna if I'm gonna be honest, if we can tell the truth about anything today, about anything, we can tell the truth about that, I still don't give a fuck about it getting out of hend. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. I didn't gave in took ass whooping, so it is what it is. You feel me? But at the end of the day, that was me as a youngin but I was dealing with other shit. So at the core, man Big cal was tripping because Big Caw was tripping. Yeah, that's when conflict becomes dangerous because now I'm not trying to understand you. You feel me. When it gets to that point and it escalates, big days, you know exactly what I'm talking about. We don't disagree, we don't see out of eye all right, motherfuck it. Now we can fight. You feel me? And I didn't been in and that applies across the board like that's everywhere I'm I'm certified stupid. I didn't been in boardrooms before. I didn't been in boardrooms before. With the president of the university in the boardroom, vice President's provosts, you feel me, Deans, and I say, at the end of the day, now we can go outside to get to it. Like I don't want to understand you no more. Like I'm not trying to understand you no more. I'm not feeling you no more. I don't want to resolve this shit no more. Now I want to escalate it. That's when the shit becomes dangerous. I'm not trying to understand you. I'm trying to defeat you. I want to beat you. I want to beat on you literally or figuratively. And family, you cannot build healthy relationships like that. You feel me think about it, and I'm a healthy relationships being romantic, healthy reli relationships, being familiar, familiar, healthy res relationships, being of the friendly variety coworkers, colleagues, neighbors. You can't build healthy relationships like that. One of the strongest things you can do in conflict is refuse to match the other person's chaos. You understand what I'm saying. Do you know how out of pocket people look when somebody's escalated and you sitting there chilling, Or think about when somebody's mad and they're being angry and they're trying to. Provoke you, and you laugh or you smile, and what do they do? What do they do? Every time somebody tries to provoke you and you just sit there calm and you smile or you laugh, they escalate even higher. You understand what I'm saying. One of the strongest things that you can do in conflict is refuse to match the other person's chaos. Joe said, they get mad and she gave me my coffee cup of Moji saluted Joe. Yeah, if a person is yelling, they don't have to ye, I don't have to yell. And I'm talking about me personally. If a person is yelling at me, I don't have to yell. They're sarcastic. I don't have to become sarcastic. If they're aggressive, I don't have to become aggressive. Yeah, a calm voice don't mean you agree. It means that you refuse to donate your control to chaos. You understand what I'm saying, because if I donate my control to chaos, ain't nobody gonna stop me? Like you in here yelling and stuff like that. That's cool. If I decided to get up out my chair, you feel me. If I get out my chair, ain't nobody in here gonna stop me. You feel me. I'm talking about me and boardrooms like you can talk crazy and do all this shit out you play? You can play, you're playing. If I get out this chair, ain't nobody in here gonna do shit? But watch you feel me? Nah, I refuse to donate my control to chaos. Here's a line I want you to remember. You ready, Daz Joe third game. And the other. What I say is like three of y'all and the other six seven of y'all that's watching and not talking. Busy, y'all, busy, y'all busy. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. Some invitations just absolutely need to be need to be declined, Seluther King Vonnie, They need to be declined. Yeah. Sometimes the mature response is help me understand what you mean. Sometimes it's let's stay on this, let's stay on this one issue you feel me, Craig Yal, what's up with Jammy? Yeah? Sometimes it's I want to address this, but I need to ten minutes before I can do it. Well, that's not weakness, man, that's discipline. But if there's an important but there's an important difference between a pause and avoidance, you feel me. A Paul says I need time, I'm coming back. Avoidant says I'm leaving and we're never just discussing this again. We're never discussing this again. I don't have to take this. I'm going home. That's what that says. That's what that says, salute to Joe dropping some od a silver boo yon in the chat, Salute. To the dirt game boss, dropping some more juwe ales. In the chat, Salute to your family, thank you, and salute to the dirt game boss again. Man doubling back with the with the with the goal of boo yond the jew ale Salute family. I appreciate you, y'ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, ab I see you in a building. Avoidance says I'm leaving and I'm never discussing this again. Those are not the same thing. A healthy time out protects the conversation. Big Dad is big Dad, said paulse first. Yeah, a healthy, healthy pause, man, healthy time out protects the conversation. It does not abandon it at all. And if a situation becomes threatening or abusive, then safety comes first before resolution. Distance, first conversation later, and that's if that's if later is appropriate at all. Yeah, twov two drop the suitcase in the in the uh in. I think I think that means I'm leavving. I think that means I'm leaving. I'm up through. Yeah, distance, first conversation later, Yep. Avoid escalation though, man, at all costs. All right, man, let me get let me let's let's let's get to it so I can get out of here. Choosing restraint, choosing restraint. Now we get to restraint. I think restraint is misunderstood. You understand what I'm saying. Joe said, get the fuck out. A safety becomes a problem, that's a fact. I think restraint is misunderstood. People hear restraint and they think weakness, passivity, fear, silence, Nah, no, no, no, no, no. Restraint. Restraint is power under command. You understand what I'm saying. Restraint is not having no power. You gotta get that out of your mind. It is having power and refusing to misuse it. Restraint. You could send the text, but you don't. You could say the insult, but you don't. You could expose something private, but you don't. You could threaten, but you don't. You could physically inflict harm, but you don't. And it's not because you're scared, but because your standards are stronger than the need for ten seconds of emotion relief. Do you hear what I said. It's not because you're scared, but it's because your standards are stronger than the need for ten seconds of emotional relief. That's self leadership. You feel me. Restraint does not mean that you never say hard things. Sometimes restraint sounds like no. Sometimes restraint sounds like that was disrespectful. Sometimes restraint sounds like I'm willing to continue this conversation, but not while we're yelling. Sometimes restraint means getting up and leaving. You feel me, Yeah, but you leave with clarity, not chaos. The goal is assertiveness, like, the best of a way to resolve conflict is through assertiveness, not aggression, clear, direct, respectful, instead of you never listen to me. You say, you know, I felt dismissed when I was interrupted. I need us to finish one point before the other person responds. That's how communication works. That's different. You understand what I'm saying. You can tell the truth without trying to wound somebody. Yeah, and ultimately for me, here is a question that can save you from a great deal of regret. Right Big Dad says restraint is growth. Dirt Game Boss says restraint is God's way of saving a life. Slew the Phoenix New News. I see you in the building. Here's a question that can save you from. A lot of regret. Will this move solve the problem or is it only going to release pressure? Because some things feel amazing for ten seconds, feel amazing for ten seconds, and then they cost you peace for ten days, for ten years, you feel me, don't choose the sentence that creates the fastest emotional relief. Choose the response you'll still respect tomorrow. Keep coming back to that. Yeah, A feeling says, do you inform somebody when they disrespect you or do you just excuse yourself? I usually informal. I usually informal. Sometimes I get up and just leave. Like if I'm like really at the point of punching on something, then I'll get up and leave. You feel me. Salute to the dirt gang boss dropping some more jue holes on the chat man, Salute family, you know, sometimes I'll get up and leave. You know what I mean to avoid if I'm literally at the point of punching on something, choose the response you'll still respect tomorrow. All Right, all right, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, right, let's finish man with something practical. I got to give you some news you can use because I gotta go, man, I'm at thirty nine minutes already. This shit is stupid. Before your next difficult conversation, right, decide your standard before the emotion arise period. Tharva Globe with Joe says, if I don't care anymore, I don't inform them. She just rolls out. Keith Vonnie said, you can't correct what you don't know. That's a fact. So if you're in a situation where you're actually trying to resolve a conflict and it's a conflict that needs to be resolved, I would inform them that it is disrespectful, and then if they double down on it, then it's a conscient They're making a conscientious decision to beat disres bafful to you, and then you can act accordingly. You feel me and you can realize that they're not trying to resolve the conflict. They're trying to hurt you. They're trying to dominate you. And so when resolution, when the resolution to the conflict is off the table, then you know that this is the time it's time for you to remove yourself. I know this shit sounds crazy, but it becomes natural when you put the more you practice it Yeah, decide your standard before emotional arrives. I got my five rules man for myself. Right, my five rules. No yelling. Right, you can be firm without losing control, Like I'm not yelling. No yelling. No personal attacks, like I stay on the issue. I address the behavior, not the person. No personal attacks. I address the issue, not the not somebody's entire character. No interrupting, Man, I'm really big on interrupting. I think you got to listen. If you're in a interrupted me, you're not listening. If I'm interrupting you, I'm not listening. If you're not listening, then there's no resolution to the conflict. It's only your need to beat me. It's only your need to dominate me. Yeah, no interrupting. Listen long and we got to listen long enough to understand what you're actually responding to. You feel me. And a lot of times people will interrupt you and they're not listening, so they have absolutely no idea what they're responding to. And that's bullshit. Like, that's that bullshit. In my opinion, people think I'm crazy too, man, because I really I literally be on that. You can't talk while I'm talking. So no interrupting. That's number three. Number Another big one for me is no dragon old grievance. Grievance is into today's argument. We gotta stay on the issue. You understand what I'm saying. If you had a problem with something I did two years ago, mother fucker, you should have addressed that two years ago. What does that have to do with today? Like that, Like if I'm talking and this is no disrespect, women got that shit bad? You feel me when you're talking to a woman and you're talking to you a woman and then she say, well you do this and you're like, motherfucker, we not talking. I'm we're talking about this. What about when you what the fuck is you talking about? We gotta literally stay on task. No old grievances. We can address that. Let's get to this. You gotta stay on the issue. Then the last thing is no emotional decisions. I mean, excuse me, No permanent decisions while emotionally flooded. No permanent decisions. Why you emotionally flooded? Yeah I didn't done that. No quitting the job, no ending the relations and shit, no sending the irreversible message you feel me. No, No making the major financial choice, not while you're flooded, take the space a return to the facts and identify what you're feeling and ask yourself what outcome am I trying to create? You understand what I'm saying? Not? What do I make them? What do I make them feel? Excuse me? How do I make them feel what I feel? You feel me? How do I make them feel what I feel? What outcome do I want? Because the strongest person is not always the sharpest is not always uh, the sharpest, excuse me? The strongest response is not always the sharpest one. You feel me. The strongest response is not always the sharpest one. It's the one. The strongest response is the response that keeps your values intact. Yeah, so here's today's challenge. The next time conflict finds you, and it will and now that we're talking about it is probably going to find you this week on some real shit. The next time conflict finds you, catch the anger early, lord the temperature. Choose restraint, and remember your emotions are allowed in the conversation, but they are not allowed to run it. They're allowed in the conversation, but they're not allowed to run the conversation. Conflict will test your emotions but restraint will prove that your emotions can show up without taking over that self leadership. That's emotional discipline, that's self mastery. And I'm Julior the Truth. This is the Black had. Offee Club Man. Salute to you all. Thank y'all so much for taking time to tune in. Really truly genuinely appreciate you. This show is indeed brought to you by the Black Gentleman Grooming Company. We do have a line of all natural, handcrafted grooming products specifically with your mind to be sure sure to come check us out www dot the Black gen dot com. This is also brought to you by the Simple Truth minute Man, you will system the reason for the season. Be sure to go get your copy of the book and the planner www dot the Minutemanual dot com. They're both available in print and digital format. Man. Salute to the family. I really truly genuinely appreciate you all. This is Junior the Truth signing off, giving you a daily reminder of you your life. King Vonnie, I appreciate your time, Bro, I appreciate your time. Family. Thank you. This is Junior the Truth signing off. Give me you a daily reminder if you of your life like a pair of dice until it looks like a pair of dice. I'm a high borne player made if you don't know anything else about me. At the end of the day, I gotta keep pushing baby. We off of the best grooming cuts for you for you be sung that you and we want to help you. Swag swags dot Class. And Luxury Luxury. There you got product sales made for you the top quality. Yet to get us start with like don't blag g tompony and compety you swag up bag, gets out Pass and Luxury and Luxury Flack Gentlemen, Black and Company. If you swag a flag, got out Last and Luxury and Luxury. Located at www dot the black gent dot com.